TWILIGHT SAGA: ECLIPSE

I’m sure those of you who know me would wonder why I would review this movie because the natural assumption is that I watched it. Well, I did. I’ve now seen all three movies in the Twilight Saga. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing; just a thing.

At this point, I’m going to insert the disclaimer and I’m not going to say it ever again… THIS REVIEW MAY CONTAIN SPOILERS. Ah, got that out of the way.

Anyways, without further adieu…

RATING – PG-13

Intense sequences of action and violence, and some sensuality

CHILDREN – 0

No, I do not recommend this movie for children. First of all, the subject matter is fairly dark. Secondly, the Motion Picture Association of America decided that for children under the age of 13, they should be accompanied. That should say a lot. Honestly, the rating description says it all as to why this movie isn’t the best choice for small children.

YOUNG WOMEN – 10

Ah, the target audience. This movie has it all for the teenage girl age bracket. As a friend of a friend said on Facebook, Harry Potter was a story about a kid defying the odds and coming into his own when the whole world was against him while the Twilight Saga is mostly about how important it is to have a boyfriend. I believe this is a fairly good assessment of the average American teenage girl. It’s not a bad thing or a good thing; just a thing.

For the young women this movie has everything; the heartthrob vampire that they think is hot (no idea why), the werewolf who compensates for his unusual condition by having no body hair, and a young girl with lots of free time on her hands stuck in the middle. To be the center (or very near to it) of a four-book, five movie universe is a perfect fantasy for this age group.

YOUNG MEN – 1

Take everything I said in the Young Women category and take the exact opposite. The only reason I gave this movie a 1 and not a 0 is a guy who has the intestinal fortitude to see this movie might be able to score some points with the Young Women group.

ADULT WOMEN – 7

The adult categories are quite similar to the younger categories but both are closer to the middle. This movie still appeals to women because it’s the story about a girl being chased (sometimes literally) by everyone but most especially two attractive suitors, one of whom presents the potential for eternal life.

I marked it down a bit because I think that when we reach adulthood, our dreams and fantasies take a bit of a back seat to reality and the lives that we actually lead.

ADULT MEN – 2

Adult men who go to see the Twilight movies will probably have a very good reason to and for a great many of them, it probably has to do with a daughter that fits into the “Young Women” grouping. Having a daughter that wants to see this movie and begs and pleads for you to take them to it is a much better reason to be there than a significant other. So, the daughter aspect is good for another point. Still, not a movie aimed at guys.

GORE – 7

There wasn’t too much gore in this movie which is relatively unusual for a film that centers on vampires and werewolves. There are scenes where a vampire is basically creating a vampire army and according to the story, people who were recently changed have an insatiable appetite for human blood. However, in the scenes where this is evident, the camera is either angled away from where gore would be or is far enough away that you can’t see much (if any) blood.

In the climactic battle of this movie, where the previously mentioned army of vampires attacks a family of vampires (who have the backing of a pack of werewolves), there is actually no blood. According to the mythology of the series (as well as the mythology of vampires), the vampires have no heartbeat and also, no blood.

In my opinion, the amount of violence/gore was quite tastefully done. There was enough to convince the viewer that these fights and battles were going on but little enough explicitly shown for this movie to be appropriate for younger viewers.

ROMANCE – 8

This movie is full of romantic plots and subplots. The protagonist, Isabella Swan, accepts the marriage proposal of vampire Edward Cullen and then shortly after, she professes her love for werewolf Jacob… but she loves Edward more and is prepared to spend eternity with him (literally).

If that doesn’t spell romance, I don’t know what does.

DIALOGUE – 4

The script writing doesn’t add too much to this movie and at times detracts. Some lines seem forced and don’t seem to fit well with the rest of the storyline. Also, I didn’t notice until it was pointed out by Riff Trax (absolutely hilarious if you get a chance) but there are sometimes large pauses in the middle of sentences. This isn’t exactly dialogue (more direction than writing) but it can get really distracting.

SPECIAL EFFECTS – 5

The Special Effects are terribly done but sometimes when the werewolves are running, they don’t look natural, especially when they are bounding over objects on the ground in the forest. It just looks weird and unnatural at times.

STORY – 5

I’m sure that this value would be higher if I had read the books but I haven’t yet so in this vampire-saturated entertainment market, I can’t get overly excited about another series of books and movies about vampires. Yes, the mythology is interesting but we as a country are a bit too obsessed with vampirism for my taste right now.

ACTING – 2

Ah, the one I’ve been waiting for. The stories center around characters played by Robert Pattinson (Edward), Kristen Stewart (Bella), and Taylor Lautner (Jacob). Unfortunately, none of these three are particularly adept at delivering lines or portraying a given emotion. In my opinion, they were picked much more for their looks than their acting ability.

INTANGIBLES – 0

There really wasn’t anything, other than what I’ve discussed, that called to me and said that this movie deserved anymore points towards its total score.

TOTAL SCORE – 52 POINTS

FINAL RATING – 43

WOULD I RECOMMEND THIS MOVIE?

For some people, yes, for most people no.